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Tuesday, June 14, 2005

"I sometimes hold it half a sin
To put in words the grief I feel;
For words, like Nature, half reveal
And half conceal the Soul within"

This is a hard post for me to write, but I feel I have to let it out and this is as good an outlet as any. Yesterday our beloved budgy died. All of a sudden, no previous signs of weekness... she started to retreat into herself. I noticed that somehting was wrong when she let me do things she would usually be furious about. She became more and more quiet until there was only pain left and this tiny little creature was plagued with cramps. Her wings were trying to fly, but her head to heavy to lift. These are the images I can not get out of my head.
We were with her for six hours watching her lose her strength. We held her close to keep her warm and I felt so attached to her, trying to talk in my consoling voice, tears running down my cheek. It was odd, but sometimes it seemed to me that she had accepted her fate long before we were ready to give up on her.
Our darling bird, one that has become so trusting towards us. It was torture seeing her look at us and there was nothing we could do. There were moments when I contemplated to speed the process of pain along more quickly, but I just couldn´t...there was always this tinsy winsy bit of hope that maybe she would be alright.
At some point during the night we decided to take her to the next vetenarian, where she quickly passed away.
It amazes me how such a tiny creature can leave such a big hole behind. Everything is different. The apartment is quiet...too quiet. I can not imagine the next couple of days without her. Who will sit on my shoulder while I watch Lost being totally scared...watch me do the dishes...demand my return everytimes I leave...nibble my earlobe... peck at everything that can be gnawed.
It hurts to look at the place where her cage was...there is a bouqet of flowers now. All white. Just like her.

Posted by Minka :: 11:12 am :: 10 Royal Subjects

Link to this Royal Decree!


At 20:14, Blogger Lisa Skvísa said...

Babe, you know how I feel and I know it's just horrible for you right now, but well done for writing it down! It helps I think. I really couldn't imagine what I'd be like if I lost my cat so I can only imagine. Focus on the good that you had together. xx

At 02:15, Anonymous maría erla said...

as i said to tryggvi - so sorry to hear about your lovely peggy sue. beautiful words there monika xx

At 14:19, Blogger Minka said...

Thank you!
It is very hard for us. In the grand sceme of things people might say this is life and that is just how things go. But each person is affected differently. We attach love to different things and what for one is a pet that needs food and cleaning, for others is the center of love and laughter.
What I will take away are beautiful memories...the first time she bathed in my hands, the first time she slept on my pillow close to my neck to keep warm.
I also got to know a new side of my boyfriend ... how soft he can be behind that harsh male exterior. How he tried everything and spared neither money nor time to do everything possible. How he tried to console me and be my rock before he let his feelings go.
Strange how hard times can be both so tragic and yet so filled with love.

At 20:12, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tut mir echt leid für euch! Als unser Familiendackel nach 16 1/2 Jahren (!!) eingeschläfert werden musste (bis dahin echt fit und auf ein Mal bekam er einen Schlaganfall), ist auch eine große Welt für mich zusammen gebrochen. Mitfühlende Grüße von Kerstin

At 21:05, Blogger Minka said...

Danke Kerstin! Schon komisch wie ein kleiner Vogel so einen grossen Einfluss auf die Seele zweier Menschen haben kann. Und sie war nur 1 Jahr bei uns. Nach 16 Jahren muss ja dann schon eine unheimlich tiefe Verbindung zustande gekommen sein.

At 21:17, Blogger Doug said...

Tut mir auch leid. Losing a pet is rough, rough. I once was sad over a chicken and Peggy was much cuter than that chicken. Forgive the comment on the next post, I read them in the wrong order.

At 21:24, Blogger Minka said...

Doug...you know some German?
Don´t worry about the comment, it was an obvious one to make. It is a fun picture, that is why I put it there. This is how I want to remember Peggy...crazy just like her daddy!

At 15:56, Blogger Kolbrún said...

I feel for you, I just lost one of my cats in a car accident a few weeks ago. It's sad to lose a loved one, even though it is "just" an animal.

At 00:26, Blogger Minka said...

I agree. It depends on what kind of person you are yourself. If you are an animal lover and you totally conect to the creature ...it is just that amazing. Sorry to hear about your cat, I remember I cuddled her a lot when I was at your place.

At 19:20, Blogger InterstellarLass said...

So sorry for your loss. Anyone or anything that works it's way into our hearts will be missed greatly.


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